Fancy on the Farm Just Fails
Performer by Debbie “Hayride” Harper & Bale Harrison
Fancy on the Farm: Music and Lyrics by Alan Nafzger
Verse 1
High heels and hay bales don’t get along,
Stilettos in the mud, honey, that’s just wrong.
Your silk tie’s slick with tractor grease,
And your tux is stuck in the barbed wire, geez.
Pre-Chorus
So you thought you’d look sharp with your bowtie on,
But the pig just untied it and now it’s gone.
You can bring your fancy style to the rural life,
But on this farm, fashion cuts like a knife.
Chorus 1
‘Cause fancy on the farm just fails,
Your high-tech drone’s crashed, ‘n’ your Rolex ails.
Cows don’t care for crystal glasses,
Manure’s got no mercy for designer glasses.
White gloves turn brown with the cow eating the keys,
And those flies just love your cologne’s breeze.
You can try to look sharp on this muddy land,
But the pigs and the cows won’t give a damn.
Verse 2
Fancy dinners with chickens on the run,
Crystal glasses smashed when the horse has fun.
Ray-Ban might look fine on your face,
But try running from a rooster in that kind of race.
Pre-Chorus
So you thought your silk gown would steal the night,
But the mud in the pigpen put up a fight.
Your AI drone crashed straight into the hay,
And the cows? Well, they just walked away.
Chorus 2
‘Cause fancy on the farm just fails,
Your self-driving tractor’s stuck on the rails.
Cufflinks lost in the corn, goodbye to your pearls,
A rooster’s charging, time to save your curls!
That bowtie? Oh, the pig’s having fun,
Untying that knot while you’re on the run.
On the farm, it’s rough and real,
High-tech or fancy, you’re just a big meal.
Bridge
You thought you’d automate this country life,
But the chickens laughed, the cows just sighed.
Farm life’s gritty, messy, and slow,
All your tech and style ain’t making it go.
Chorus 3
‘Cause fancy on the farm just fails,
Your $200 boots are lost in the pails.
Your high heels sink deeper than your old John Deere,
And that barbed wire fence gave your tux a tear.
Feathers on your hat? The horse had a snack,
And your smart devices just keep talking back.
From AI milking gone way off track,
To the flies that won’t cut you any slack.
Outro
So leave your drones and your silk at home,
On this farm, you’re better off with dirt and stone.
‘Cause fancy on the farm just fails,
And don’t text me any of your fancy tales.
Farmyard Fashion Fumble (2001)
by Alan Nafzger
High heels on hay, a sight to behold,
City shoes sinking in mud, uncontrolled.
She totters and wobbles, a runway she seeks,
But the farm’s got no patience for stylish critiques.
Silk ties dangle where tractors once tread,
Grease on the threads, his city heart bled.
A handshake of oil on fine fabric’s grace,
Farm chores don’t care for a polished embrace.
A tuxedo might cut, but not sharper than wire,
Barbed fences laugh at the city attire.
With one wrong move, fabric’s torn in a snap,
Fashion roadkill wrapped in nature’s trap.
Fancy dinners, they thought they’d enjoy,
Until a chicken jumps in, seeking to destroy.
A feathered guest with a taste for the feast,
Turns gourmet dreams into farmyard mischief unleashed.
And the Rolex ticks but cannot compete,
With the rooster’s crow that shatters the beat.
For time means little when dawn’s on the rise,
And daylight savings—just another surprise.
Oh, the farm’s got its way of breaking the charm,
When fancy and formal clash hard with the barn.
A lesson learned on that wide open plain—
Fashion may falter, but farm life remains. 
