Ron White Visited My Farm and…
Performed by Bale Harrison & The Texas Field Hands
Ron White Visited My Farm and… – Music and Lyrics by Alan Nafzger
Verse 1:
Ron White visited my farm just the other day,
Pulled up in a truck, whiskey on display.
He looked around, took a long drag on his cigar,
Said, “Man, this place smells worse than my favorite bar.”
He stumbled toward the cows with a sideways grin,
And I knew from the start, we were in for a win.
He gave ol’ Bessie a wink and tipped his hat,
Said, “If milking’s like this, I’ll stick to sittin’ fat!”
Chorus:
Ron White visited my farm and things went south,
He said, “These cows look like they’ve got a dirty mouth.”
He tried to ride a pig and got tossed in the hay,
But he laughed so hard, he just stayed that way.
He cracked jokes with the goats, and the chickens took flight,
Ron White on the farm—what a hilarious sight!
Oh, Ron White visited my farm and didn’t look back,
Said, “Milkin’ cows? Nah, I’ll take whiskey and Jack.”
Verse 2:
He took a look at the tractor, said, “What’s this contraption?
Does it have a button for automatic satisfaction?”
I told him, “Nah, Ron, you gotta work it with your hands,”
He laughed, “I haven’t worked since I was banned from beer stands!”
He grabbed a pitchfork, gave it a twirl,
Said, “Now I’m lookin’ like a country boy, girl!”
But when the rooster crowed, he jumped like a cat,
“I’m more of a ‘wake up at noon’ kind of guy, how ‘bout that?”
Chorus:
Ron White visited my farm and things went south,
He said, “These cows look like they’ve got a dirty mouth.”
He tried to ride a pig and got tossed in the hay,
But he laughed so hard, he just stayed that way.
He cracked jokes with the goats, and the chickens took flight,
Ron White on the farm—what a hilarious sight!
Oh, Ron White visited my farm and didn’t look back,
Said, “Milkin’ cows? Nah, I’ll take whiskey and Jack.”
Bridge:
We sat by the barn with a bottle or two,
Ron said, “This farming thing, it’s a hell of a view.”
But then a cow let loose, and he wiped his shoe,
“Yep, that’s why I prefer comedy—and a nice barbecue.”
Verse 3:
By the end of the day, he was covered in dirt,
But Ron didn’t care, he’d already ripped his shirt.
He leaned on the fence with that trademark grin,
Said, “This farm life’s tough, but man, I’d do it again.”
He tipped his hat and waved goodbye,
“Next time I visit, I’ll bring some extra pie.”
And as he drove off, I heard him shout,
“You’ve got the cows, but I’ve got the whiskey clout!”
Chorus:
Ron White visited my farm and things went south,
He said, “These cows look like they’ve got a dirty mouth.”
He tried to ride a pig and got tossed in the hay,
But he laughed so hard, he just stayed that way.
He cracked jokes with the goats, and the chickens took flight,
Ron White on the farm—what a hilarious sight!
Oh, Ron White visited my farm and didn’t look back,
Said, “Milkin’ cows? Nah, I’ll stick to whiskey and Jack.”
Outro:
Now the cows are still talking ‘bout the day he came,
And every bale of hay has his name in the game.
Ron White may be gone, but the farm’s never the same,
‘Cause when he visited, he left a whole lotta fame!
Ron White Visited My Farm
by Alan Nafzger
Ron White rolled in one lazy day,
With whiskey in hand, in his usual way.
He looked at the cows, with a crooked grin,
Said, “This place smells worse than my favorite gin.”
He tipped his hat to ol’ Bessie with pride,
“I’ll stick to drinkin’—milkin’s not my ride.”
He wandered the fields with a laugh and a shout,
Tried to ride a pig, but quickly fell out.
Covered in hay, he laughed so hard,
Said, “I belong on stage, not a farmyard!”
The chickens scattered, the goats ran loose,
And Ron just kept jokin’—lettin’ laughter juice.
He left the farm with a name in the air,
“Whiskey and cows? No, that’s too much to bear.”
But Ron’s time here, well, it’s legend by now,
Even the cows still ask, “Where’s that funny man, anyhow?
