Reasons To Stay Sober in Arkansas
Performed by Bale Harrison & The Texas Field Hands
Reasons To Stay Sober in Arkansas – Music and Lyrics by Alan Nafzger
Songwriter’s Notes:
- The Dance Floor Hazard
While Brooke and I danced sober under Little Rock’s moonlight, the drunk boys found themselves waltzing with gravity—and losing badly. Turns out the real dance competition wasn’t for Brooke but for who could avoid face-planting. - Hiking Vs. Falling
Michelle in Fayetteville wanted to hike, not stumble. Drunk boys thought they were on a nature walk, but their “trail” had more beer cans than rocks. I was the only one who made it back down without a bruise. - Cycling Adventures
Gale and I went biking in Springdale, sober and steady. Meanwhile, the other guys treated their bikes like mechanical bulls—no one lasted 8 seconds. - Mini-Golf Shenanigans
Faye from Conway chose mini-golf over shots, and we laughed the whole time. The boozy boys kept missing the holes, somehow treating a putter like it was a sword. Let’s just say I hit more holes—and not just in golf. - Starry Night Failures
Dot from Cabot preferred a starry night over beer pong, but the drunk boys thought “shooting stars” meant shooting back shots. They never did figure out which one of those stars was the moon. - Mountain Mayhem
Hiking to the hilltop with Shilo in El Dorado was a win. Drunk boys gave up halfway up, claiming the mountain “looked higher in person.” Nature was the only thing that left them breathless that night. - Dancing Disaster
Dancing with Lola in Osceola was smooth—unlike the drunk guys who couldn’t quite master a two-step without turning it into a three-fall. The rhythm they heard must have been playing in an alternate universe. - Bowling Bonanza
Bowling with Krista from Bella Vista was a breeze compared to the boozy boys. They guttered every shot and somehow ended up using the bumpers as hurdles. I’d say they were “bowled over” by Krista’s choice. - Thrift Store Adventures
Thrift shopping with Estelle in Nashville was a sober success, while the drunk boys were somewhere passed out in retro bell-bottoms. They couldn’t hang with our fashion find flip, but I sure did score a vintage jacket—and a kiss. - Horseback Calamity
Riding with Pearl in Earle was romantic, but the other guys fell off their horses. Turns out “hold your horses” is more of a metaphor when you’re sober and a desperate plea when you’re drunk. - Canoe Wobble
We stayed steady on a lake, paddling with ease, while the drunk boys’ canoe capsized like it was auditioning for the Titanic sequel. Good thing the lake was shallow enough for them to crawl out. - Picnic Panic
Hope from Hope was up for a picnic date. The drunk boys brought a picnic blanket and a fifth of whiskey—because who needs sandwiches when you can “drink your lunch”? Spoiler: they ended up feeding the ants more than we did. - Zoo Booze Blues
Kitty from Forrest City and I went to the zoo, and the animals were loving it. Meanwhile, the drunk boys were busy mistaking a zebra for a jail-striped horse. I didn’t need animal crackers to win that round. - The Retro Fall
Estelle and I were all about the thrift store nostalgia, but the other guys’ only throwback was to when they could still stand upright. “Vintage” looked better without the alcohol-induced time travel. - Giddy-Up or Fall Down
Horseback riding with Jordan from Gurdon was easy when sober. The drunk boys thought they’d audition for “Yellowstone” but forgot step one—stay on the horse. Their cowboy dreams ended with a face full of dirt, while I rode into the sunset.
Themes I’m Going For
- Contrasts in Behavior: The humor often comes from the juxtaposition between the protagonist’s sober actions and the drunk boys’ misadventures, highlighting the unpredictability of intoxicated behavior.
- Wordplay and Rhyming: Using rhymes like “dance competition” to describe falling drunk or “guttered” both figuratively and literally in the bowling scene brings cleverness to the humor.
- Exaggeration and Hyperbole: Amplifying the failings of the drunk boys—like falling off horses or treating beer cans as hiking companions—adds to the humor in each scenario.
- Relatable Situations: Each situation—whether stargazing, hiking, dancing, or bowling—is made funny by focusing on how being sober helps the protagonist shine, while the drunk boys create chaos.
Arkansas Sober
By Alan Nafzger (2003)
A cowboy’s life ain’t filled with just boots and spurs,
There’s nights on the range and dreams that are hers.
I rode to Little Rock where Brooke stood tall,
She said, “No booze for me, I ain’t like them all.”
I told her, “No worries, darlin’, I don’t touch that glass,
Let’s dance ‘round this town, watch the hours pass.”
Drunk boys wobbled like they’d saddled the wind,
But Brooke danced with me ‘til the night’s sweet end.
Michelle in Fayetteville wouldn’t take a swig,
She wanted to hike where the mountains grow big.
The drunk boys rolled, thought rocks were their beer,
I kept my footing, and that trail led me near.
In Springdale with Gale, we rode bikes down the road,
The river shone bright, silver like gold.
Drunk boys fell, blamed the wheels or the drink,
But I rode beside her, and we gave a wink.
Faye from Conway liked the greens on the course,
Mini-golf under stars, there was laughter, no force.
The drunk boys swung wild, couldn’t hit a blessed thing,
But I tapped in a hole and made Faye smile and sing.
Dot from Cabot looked up at the sky,
Said, “Let’s watch the stars, let’s give it a try.”
Drunk boys tripped over their own blurry feet,
But I spread out a blanket, where Dot and I’d meet.
Shilo in El Dorado loved the hills up so high,
She said, “No whiskey tonight, just a good view to try.”
The drunk boys gave up halfway to the top,
But Shilo took my hand, and together, we didn’t stop.
Lola in Osceola knew how to move,
We danced to the fiddles, that Arkansas groove.
The drunk boys stumbled, couldn’t keep up at all,
But we swung ‘round the floor, and I had her by fall.
Krista in Bella Vista hated games of the bar,
So we went bowlin’ instead, beneath a sky full of stars.
Drunk boys threw gutterballs, couldn’t even get close,
But I rolled my way in, Krista laughed and said, “Adios.”
Pearl in Earle said, “No shots for this girl,”
I said, “Let’s go ridin’, let’s give it a whirl.”
The drunk boys fell off, couldn’t steer a horse true,
But Pearl and I galloped, and that love just grew.
Estelle in Nashville wouldn’t sip on rye,
She said, “Thrift stores, cowboy, that’s what we should try.”
The drunk boys napped in bell-bottoms and shame,
But Estelle rode beside me, laughing just the same.
Hope from Hope sat down on the grass,
A sober picnic, just watching time pass.
The drunk boys went wanderin’, lost in the trees,
But Hope stayed with me, as we watched the warm breeze.
Clover in Dover, no ale for her hand,
I said, “Let’s take a long ride, out over this land.”
The drunk boys broke down, their cars wouldn’t start,
But Clover rode shotgun, and I drove her heart.
Kitty in Forrest City saw animals play,
I said, “Let’s hit the zoo, no whiskey today.”
Drunk boys got lost, couldn’t find where to go,
But I led her to laughter, through the lions’ show.
Jordan in Gurdon said, “No liquor, I swear,”
So we saddled our horses, rode without a care.
The drunk boys slipped and fell in the mud,
But I kept my saddle and rode right through the flood.
And when the sun set on Arkansas plains,
It was me riding steady, pulling all the reins.
Those drunk boys may stumble, miss what’s bright in the sky,
But I’ll take sober love, and hold it high.
