I’m Leaving the Dairy Business
Performed by Bale Harrison & The Texas Field Hands
I’m Leaving the Dairy Business — Music and Lyrics by Alan Nafzger
Verse 1:
I’m leaving the dairy business, and it’s about time,
I’m done with waking up at 4 a.m., covered in grime.
Those cows, they don’t care ‘bout my hopes and dreams,
All they give is milk and occasional screams.
So I’m trading in my boots for something less foul,
Anything’s better than another cow growl!
Chorus:
I’m leaving the dairy business, and I ain’t looking back,
Gonna find a job that doesn’t involve manure on my boots.
I’ll be a parking meter cop, giving tickets all day,
Or maybe a mime, ‘cause even silence pays.
I’ll sell ice cream in town, where it never melts,
Or be a professional dog-walker with leashes and belts.
Oh, anything’s better than milkin’ those cows,
Gonna do something that doesn’t require wiping udders down!
Verse 2:
I thought I’d give beekeeping a go,
But honey’s sticky, and bees hurt.
Maybe I’ll become a guy who spins road signs,
Just standing in traffic, twirling them fine.
Or I’ll be a mall Santa, with kids on my knee,
At least no one’s gonna moo angrily!
Chorus:
I’m leaving the dairy business, and I ain’t looking back,
Gonna find a job that doesn’t involve manure on my boots.
I’ll be a sushi chef, though I can’t stand the smell,
Or work at the DMV, sending folks to bureaucratic hell.
I’ll test mattresses all day, lying down with pride,
Or be a traffic cone, just standing roadside.
Oh, anything’s better than milkin’ those cows,
Gonna do something where I don’t hear constant “moos” now!
Verse 3:
Maybe I’ll become a professional hugger,
Or teach goats how to be yoga snugglers.
I’ll be a popcorn vendor at the baseball game,
At least popcorn doesn’t call me by name.
Heck, I’ll even consider walking folks’ ferrets,
As long as it’s not chasing cows with little merit!
Chorus:
I’m leaving the dairy business, and I ain’t looking back,
Gonna find a job that doesn’t involve manure on my boots.
I’ll be a fortune cookie writer, making up fake news,
Or be a mascot, sweating in giant shoes.
I’ll teach ballroom dancing to uncoordinated teens,
Or sell used cars, cause I know what “junk” means.
Oh, anything’s better than milkin’ those cows,
Gonna do something that doesn’t need a barn or plows!
Bridge:
I’ve had enough of the smell and the flies,
And cows that give me those judgmental eyes.
I’m ready for a change, something fun,
A job where I don’t smell like hay in the stall.
Chorus:
I’m leaving the dairy business, and I ain’t looking back,
Gonna find a job that doesn’t involve manure on my boots.
I’ll be a bingo caller, shoutin’ numbers with flair,
Or a food critic, complaining everywhere.
I’ll be a dog groomer, making pups look fine,
Or a stand-up comic with a punchline.
Oh, anything’s better than milkin’ those cows,
Gonna do something where I can wear a suit now!
Outro:
So long to the dairy, farewell to the farm,
I’m trading in this life for something with more charm.
I’m leaving the cows behind, and that’s a fact,
‘Cause anything’s better than milking in the back!
Leaving the Dairy Business
by Alan Nafzger (2010)
I’m leaving the dairy business, it’s been far too long,
Up at four every morning, where did it all go wrong?
Those cows never cared for my hopes or dreams,
Just mooed and chewed, and delivered cream.
I’m trading my boots for something clean,
No more manure fields, I’ve wiped them clean.
A parking meter cop, or a mime, maybe,
Where silence pays, and there’s no daily gravy.
I thought of bees and the honey’s sweet flow,
But bees are too slow, and honey’s sticky to show.
Maybe I’ll spin signs in traffic’s slow dance,
Or be a mall Santa, with kids on my lap’s expanse.
I’m leaving the cows and the fields behind,
For a job that’s clean and a little less grind.
Maybe a sushi chef, or a DMV clerk,
Where the pay’s in cash, not in moos and murk.
I’ll try something wild, like walking ferrets on leashes,
Or teaching goats yoga, with all the stretches and reaches.
Even popcorn vending sounds fine to me,
At least popcorn’s quiet, not mooing at three.
I’ve had enough of the smell and the flies,
And cows staring at me with judgmental eyes.
I’m ready for change, something fun and new,
Where I don’t smell like hay, and the sky’s always blue.
So goodbye to the dairy, and farewell to the farm,
I’m off to find something with a bit more charm.
Trading in this life for something with more cheer,
‘Cause anything’s better than milking year after year.
Originally posted 2020-09-14 12:30:17.
